Joints and Resting Hands: Holding The Parts That Hold Us Together

If you’ve been following my blog posts this past week, you know that I’ve been practicing a simple self-treatment protocol using the Grief Massage technique of resting hands. Click here to read the first related post explaining what resting hands is, and how my self-treatment protocol works.

In my latest post I shared why self-treating feet with resting hands can be so grounding and calming. Click here to read that post if you haven’t already seen it. In a nutshell, feet can be one of the hardest working but most neglected parts of the body. And feet have equal nerve distribution with our hands - which means our feet can “feel” our own touch better than many other areas of our body.

Today, I want to share some thoughts about the next part of the self-treatment protocol for resting hands: joints like the ankles, knees, wrists and elbows.

Knees and Other Joints

I had a hunch that joints were important for Grief Massage, after noticing that many of my grieving clients seemed to relax on a deep level (calm breathing, exhales, sighs, etc) when I used holding techniques like resting hands at their ankles, knees, wrists and elbows.

“What is it about joints?” I wondered, after noticing this pattern.

I mused that maybe the pressure to “hold it all together” during grief - the pressure to “not fall apart” - could have some relationship to why joints (those parts of us that literally do hold things together) seemed to respond so well to holding techniques during a Grief Massage session.

With experience I found that a nice firm application of resting hands, or even a very gentle reassuring squeeze around a joint, seemed to elicit a positive response from Grief Massage clients.

And again I wondered, ‘What is it about joints?”

What do we know about joints in general? They are:

-shock absorbers

-intersections within our body

-the structures that enable us to move

In other words, joints make us flexible to adapt to changing demands on our body, while also providing limits to how far we can stretch or move.

Joints are constantly responding to our positioning and how we move.

No wonder times of loss-related change might be a time when joints, like the knees, may benefit from extra care and holding. While I’ve seen no biological or scientific reason for joints to be more stressed during grief, on an intuitive level I can start to connect the dots.

And it brings me back to my original theory that perhaps the pressure to “not fall apart” or to “hold things together” is why it feels so good to have our joints held and supported with resting hands during a Grief Massage session.

Joints and Embodiment

Not too long ago, when reading one of my go-to textbooks, “The Psychology of the Body 2nd ed.”, I noticed that one section on the “disembodied character structure” mentioned the value of holding the joints during bodywork.

While I’m not concerned about the specific character structure the authors were discussing, I was intrigued by the idea that a state of disconnection from the body (disembodiment) could relate to the joints.

After all, grief is a time when many of us are disconnected from our own body.

It’s so common to get tied up in your head (thinking about the loss and trying to make sense of it!), or to feel lost in your heart (feeling waves of strong emotion and trying to “surf” the overwhelming feelings).

It’s so easy and understandable that, in grief, our body can fade into the background of our awareness.

We can literally “lose touch” with our body, since there are so many huge shifts and such powerful thoughts and feelings competing for our attention.

If we are disembodied during grief, massage is one way to reconnect to our physical selves - that’s a huge part of why I believe Grief Massage is a helpful support tool for grievers.

And in the section of “The Psychology of the Body 2nd ed.” where disembodiment is covered, the authors shared that the joints are a specific area of disconnection for folks who present with a disembodied character structure.

Again, I’m not fully on board with the idea that we all have a basic “character structure” to be addressed in bodywork. There’s a lot more to that approach than can be discussed here in this post.

But, what I have pulled from the section on disembodiment is that disconnection from the body can show up in the joints.

The authors shared that holding a client’s joint together can reduce the physical tension a client’s body has been exerting to hold things together by themself. This can bring a sense of increased connection. They recommend massage therapists hold the joint between their two hands, with firm but gentle pressure, for several minutes.

The authors also mentioned a technique in which the massage therapist presses the bones of the joint area toward each other with extremely gentle pressure.

When reading this section about the “disembodied character structure” and gentle holding/pressing of the joints, I immediately began connecting the dots between grief-related disembodiment and the benefits of resting hands at the ankles, knees, wrists and elbows.

What I read in “The Psychology of the Body 2nd ed.” really helped me understand a possible reason for the benefits I had noticed in Grief Massage sessions, when I used the resting hands technique at these simple, easily accessible joints.

Practicing Resting Hands at the Joints

So, what does this all mean for you?

In a nutshell, it means that when grief, stress, or other concerns cause us to lose touch with our own body, gentle holding of our own joints may help us to release tension and find calming relief.

Try it for yourself!

As discussed in the prior blog posts on the Grief Massage technique of resting hands, all you need to do is use warm, soft open hands to hold a specific part of your body. Resting hands is a “being with” that part of the body, rather than “doing something to” it.

Cupping your ankles or knees with soft, relaxed, warm hands (use your whole hand, not just your fingertips) is relatively easy. Unless there is a physical reason it’s not safe to touch those parts of your body, it should be completely comfortable and safe.

Practice each hold for several minutes. It’s like holding a baby - gentle and secure (I’ve discovered that infant massage is one of the areas in which resting hands is most commonly used!).

Resting hands at your knees or ankles is a good place to start because it’s easily accessible and you can use both hands.

If and when you practice resting hands at your wrists or elbows, you’ll need to only use one hand (the opposite hand of the arm you are self-treating). When applying resting hands to my wrists or elbows, I find it helpful to securely press the wrist or elbow being treated against the side of my body (it feels more secure, like a “holding”).

See if the application of resting hands at your joints stimulates feelings of calm.

Once you have practiced resting hands with a self-treatment protocol, it can be easier to understand why this technique can be helpful during Grief Massage sessions with clients.

Because resting hands can look (and feel) like the massage therapist is “not doing anything” or “just standing there” holding a knee or foot or wrist, it’s important to have a good personal understanding of the technique and its benefits before using it with clients.

I’m recording Class 3: The Grief Massage Sequence" right now. It’s the third installment in my Grief Massage training series. In this class, we’ll fully explore the techniques I recommend for Grief Massage, as well as a sequence I’ve used with real clients.

If you’d like more in-depth information about resting hands and other Grief Massage techniques, it may be just the class for you! Stay tuned as I hope to publish the fully online class soon.

Takeaways

Two things I hope you learned from this blog post:

1- Gentle holding work (like resting hands) may be helpful in a Grief Massage session. BUT it’s important to fully understand the technique, have personal experience with it (practice it on yourself) and explain the technique to the client before using it.

2- Our joints literally have the job of holding things together. It makes intuitive sense that during times of grief, loss and stress, the pressure to “hold it together” or “not fall apart” may have some connection to stress in the joints. There’s not any scientific proof of this (that I’m aware of) but my anecdotal experiences in the field have shown me that joints often respond well to gentle attention.

Have you been practicing the resting hands technique on yourself?

I’d love to hear from you, especially when it comes to your experiences applying resting hands to your joints!

References

Greene, E. & Goodrich-Dunn, B. (2014). The psychology of the body 2nd edition. Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins, Philadelphia: PA

Healthwise. (2017, March 21). How your joints work. Online: https://www.myactivehealth.com/hwcontent/content/special/uh1182abc.html